Mitt Romney Cares About You

Friday, October 5, 2012

Mitt Romney Cares About You

Oh he did it/said it, but if you act like it meant something else, everything will probably turn out fine.

He cares. He said so after all.

Though I am sure many of you have already heard, as it was obviously a big-fucking-deal piece of recent news, let's start at the beginning of Romney learning to "care" about you (and everyone else, apparently).

Though he now cares, Romney was in fact quoted as saying the following:

"There are 47% who are with him (Obama), who are dependent on government, who believe that, that they are victims, who believe that government has the responsibility to car for them. Who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing. It's not my job to worry about these people - I'll never be able to convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives"

This was clearly an alarming dose of reality from a man who has a strong chance at winning the US presidential race - He basically told supporters he didn't give a rats ass about a good chunk of the population. Or maybe you.

(Because they won't vote for him anyways - Meanies).

Shockingly, much as the democrats make excuses for Obama breaking campaign promises, republicans made excuses of this golden egg of a speech excerpt. Others took it a step further, and just agreed with him.

I mean, really. I know the major US political parties are republicans and democrats, with some normal and some crazy people mashed up in between, but whether republican or democrat, can we at least get someone who doesn't openly admit, with vitriol mind you, that he doesn't care about half the population? (And if you read into it, probably more, as this was a good day, and he needs the votes).

Once the news came out (I.E. - he got caught being terrible/stupid), he stood by the comments. No apology. And we all knew he would not apologize anyways, because he told us in his autobiography. In fact that is what HE NAMED his autobiography. Mitt doesn't apologize. He isn't into that shit. Especially if the apology is supposed to be directed at someone who has less money than he does.

He apologizes... I mean he doesn't... I mean... Fuck it.

But remember. He cares now. Wait, he does?

Apparently.

As mentioned in one of my News for the Masses updates, in an apparent about-face, following the debate victory from the the night before - Romney apologized for saying earlier in the campaign that he didn't give a shit about 47% of the american people. He was, and I quote Mitt himself "completely wrong".

Mitt continued to elaborate:

"I absolutely believe, however, that my life has shown that I care about 100% and that's been demonstrated throughout my life. And this whole campaign is about the 100%. When I become president, it will be helping the 100%."

Well, there you have it, people of the United States. Even though the guy basically lied his ass off, and continues to lie, and get caught in lies, you now have the go ahead to vote him in. I mean, he said it. He cares about 100 fucking percent of people. 100 fucking percent. It gets no higher.

I'm pretty sure no one else on the planet cares about 100 percent of the people. I hate to take things so literally, but I like to take things this literally, if the opposition is going to take things like the 47% comment so un-fucking-literally, and continue to make excuses for this man. You take the low road, I'll get right down there with you - Fuck it.

Another lie in my book, to go on top of the other lies. And hey, this asshole even said he would not apologize. He was just playing, though.

And we aren't talking about a broken campaign promise. We are talking about covering his ass on a statement saying 47% of the people he is going to lead are worthless to him. Or something. I guess because they won't vote for him? Or maybe, you know what - Let's all be honest. Maybe he just doesn't really like the middle class and below. Maybe he does really think all poor people are pathetic.

Big deal?

Well maybe not. If you hate Obama, are die-hard republican, or really dislike paying taxes (but like roads and schools of course) you were going to vote for him in any case. If he said something this fucking stupid - Or if he didn't. Just like before the debate - Nothing has changed.

We all know it's impossible to truly care for 100 percent of the people, but you know what, I'm taking it to literal. Wait though - Mitt isn't. He does care. He told you so. And if you're dumb, you might believe him.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...: Great article. The best line: "He cares. He said so after all."

About 10 years ago, I came up with the theory that anyone who says they tell the truth 100% of the time, probably tells the truth about 50% of the time, whereas the most honest people on this planet probably say (accurately) that they tell the truth 95% of the time. It's funny how that can be translated to Romney. (Saying he cares for 100% of the people, but meaning 53%, or more likely, 0.0000001% of the people.)

Finally, I'll leave you with this satirical quote from Saturday Night Live. This is fictional, but loosely based on real life: "After Bain Capital shut down the mill, I was out of work for a year. Finally I got a job at a piano factory at half my old salary. Then Bain bought that company and I got laid off again. Next I worked as a trucker, then Bain came along, bought the trucking company, and I got laid off again. Then I got hired part time at an Orange Julius. Then Bain acquired that franchise and shut it down. Now I know it was the whole franchise, because it was just that one store. Then I said to myself, "What the hell's going on here?" Then finally I, I got a job at a shoe shine stand, under a psuedo name, working just for tips. But Bain somehow found out, bought the business, and moved it to China. That's when I knew, this was not a coincidence."

-Boze; October 5, 2012 at 1:55 PM
PittyPatti said...: Wow!!!!! I am voting for PRESIDENT OBAMA!!!! Notice how I capitalized PRESIDENT OBAMA??? He is our president, commander and chief and deserves respect whether people voted for him or not. It saddens me to see how he is so disrespected by so many "so called americans" , oh and of course "die hard cristens" the vile that is spewed out of some of their mouths is so disrepectful it sickens me. I do beleive in God , but I am not a hypacrit like so many of these so called extremists!!!!!!BTW, Mitt's disrepestful behavior at the debates really shored up who Im voting for!!!!; October 21, 2012 at 9:02 PM
PittyPatti said...: Mitt Romney is "above us all", look how disrespectful he is to "Our President",and yes President Obama is his president, commander and chief too, at least for a few more weeks. (hopefully 4 more years)I am in that "47%" and will definately be voting for President Obama. The lack of respect for him shown by so many so called Americans and Christens makes me sick.; October 21, 2012 at 11:17 PM

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News for the Masses

12/16/14

Once again radical Islamic groups prove they are scum. The Taliban in Pakistan raids a school in the previous day and kills roughly 150 people - most of them children.

The militants enter by scaling a wall and going through a rear and unguarded entrance. Luckily, the Pakistani military killed every single member of the attacking force - for once in a long while, they did something right. RIP to the children.

7/21/14

It seems as if every two years or so, the Israeli government thinks that they need to give Gaza a good bombing.

After 10 days of intense aerial bombardment, the Israeli armed forces invade the Gaza strip on July 17. As of today, the ground war continues and the death toll on the Palestinian side is over 500, with the large majority being civilians. The Israeli casualties are 2 civilians and 27 soldiers.

Though a majority of the west considers Hamas to be a terrorist organization, the previous (and terrible) statistics show that the IDF is clearly much more adept at instilling terror among the civilian population of Gaza than Hamas is at instilling terror on the west.

The Israeli government counts on blind western followers to buy the story they are selling - That story is that Hamas "hides" behind civilians, which is why when the IDF indiscriminately bombs and shells one of the most density populated urban centers on earth, there are mass civilian casualties. (139 SQ miles, population set. 1.8 million)

The Israeli government contends that it is their "right" to bomb and invade Gaza, due to the rocket attacks from Hamas and other Palestinian resistance groups. The murder of 3 Israeli teenagers, followed by the revenge slaying of 1 Palestinian teenager, led to increased tensions followed by rocket fire from Gaza, bombing by Israel, and now ground war.

5/22/14

Some people are upset by my comments on Moe the Chimp. Fuck them.

2/23/14

After months of political unrest and mass protests in Kiev, the situation has spiraled downward to the point where the democratically elected president, Victor Yanukovych; has been forced to flee the capital. During the months long protests, scores of protesters as well as police and security forces have been injured or killed. Once the mass protesters became the majority in the west, Yanukovych boarded the presidential helicopter and traveled to his political base in eastern Ukraine.

Shortly thereafter, a warrant for his arrest was issued -The charge is "mass murder".

The main tipping point for the protesters came when President Yanukovych scrapped plans for an economic partnership and aid package with the EU, in favor for the same type of deal with Russia (though arguably much better). While protesters in the west (including right wing radicals) tear down statues of Vladimir Lenin and demand closer ties to the European Union; a strong Russian leaning population in the east of Ukraine supports closer ties with Russia.

In one city citizens go so far as to stop protesters from toppling a Lenin statue, while Russian flags have been raised in Crimea.

Though under reported in western media, a large portion of the population of Eastern Ukraine favors a continued closer relationship with Russia, and indeed the President enjoys some limited support there.

The political climate is tenuous at best, and looks to be even more unstable than the 2013 political situation in Egypt after the coup that lead to the ousting of another democratically elected president, Mohammad Morsi.

2/22/2013

After a prison escape that would make Ted Bundy proud, and over 10 years on the run, Chicago's most wanted and number uno Mexican Cartel leader Joaquin "El Chapo" Guzman is arrested in the pacific resort town of Mazatlan. In the early hours, he is captured during a carefully planned mission carried out by Mexican marines, along with US military support.

In an Israeli special forces-esqe attack, infrared technology is used to determine the occupants of the upscale hotel room are sleeping. "El Chapo" is ambushed while resting alongside his model wife and an AK-47. A bodyguard and his children are also found sleeping in the room.

Though this is a giant success in the never ending "War on Drugs", El Chapo's exploits over the last many days do not go unnoticed. In a scene out of Hideo Kojima's "Snatcher", the Mexican military misses their first real chance in a decade or so to capture him; while trying to break down the reinforced entry to one of his secret homes a few weeks before the eventual arrest. During this episode, he slips out through a secret passage under a bathtub – and escapes underground, traveling through the sewers, later ending up in Mazatlan.

No official word yet on which has killed more, the "War on Drugs", or the "War on Terror".

2/10/14

A 72 year old retired lawyer in Tennessee named John Setzer is killed when a letter or package he gets in the mail explodes in his home, also critically injuring his wife. Law enforcement agencies descend on the quite rural neighborhood in search of clues. Neighbors seem surprised and shocked - claiming they do not know who would want to do such a thing. Of course, this is generally the case whenever a bomb shows up in the mail.

A "large" amount of money - almost enough to buy a 2008 Ford Focus with under 100,000 miles on it (8,000.00) is posted as a reward in return for information leading to the arrest of the culprit.

1/30/13

Peru's gold, silver, and copper mining output fell sharply in the first month of the new year. (2013)

Gold output actually fell by more than 25%. I'm not sure what these numbers mean, and the masses of the world as a whole are probably rightfully uninterested.

That being said, what I am sure of is that this is most likely a precursor to someone bitching about something, as these drops in output or spending, or something on wall street or with magical numbers; generally lead to some type of bitching or calamity in general per the rules of capitalism.

12/01/12

The people of North Korea discover a mythical Unicorn Lair, dating back to the time of the Koryo Kingdom (Circa 900 AD or so).

The evidence is a rock that says "Unicorn Lair" in hangul, just outside of the entrance to the cave (lair).

No one believes them.

11/19/12

A sad number: 27.

That is the total number of Palestinian children who have been killed by the IDF in air strikes over Gaza thus far during the Israeli aerial bombardment known as "Operation Pillar of Defense".

The most sad part of all may be that even though Hamas fires indiscriminately with unsophisticated and sometimes home made rockets or mortars - not a single Israeli child as perished while israel however, with some of the most modern targeting systems and technologically sound military equipment known to man, has managed to kill 27 kids with sophisticated and targeted air strikes.

The IDF states that they take care to avoid civilian deaths, though apparently that care amounts to saying "You had better not be around government officials of your country, or else you might get blown up in your sleep, along with your children".

The tally this far is 1 political leader asassinated, 500+ injured, and close to 100 killed on the Palestinian side. The Israeli's on the other hand list casualties of under 10 deaths and 50 injuries as of today.

Per usual with the Israeli state, defense means breaking international laws, and shamelessly leveling civilian apartment blocks because a Farj-5 rocket lands in some abandoned grassy field.

10/31/12

In the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy, the eastern seaboard of the United States trends back to normalcy.

While parts of the country north, and on the coast - such as New York and New Jersey; have legitimate disaster scenarios to cope with, the residents of Maryland and states south of that basically overreact during and before the storm by making a run at all bread and water within arms reach, while not working for a few days, seemingly out of a strong fear of mildly heavy rain.

New York and New Jersey residents, as well as other locals in the vicinity are still dealing with severe flooding and power outages, in the aftermath of the super storm.

Residents of Maryland, Virginia, and points south, are still dealing with, well, nothing. These people just went back to work and put the extra bread in the freezer.

10/18/12

Just a few days after investigators releasing the names of all "John's" who slept with the Zumba Instructor Jessica Wright, articles and blogs continue to spring up about the situation.

Fat women and men who can't figure it out or afford it all across the country hate Jessica, and also say that the men deserve to have their faces plastered all over the news for engaging in the dirty act that is exchanging money for sex.

Every one of the men will have to report to court, and the women herself will as well. Her fitness shop was located in Maine - Turns out you could do several different exercises outside of Zumba with little Jessica.

People are enraged at all parties involved, since people like to complain and be enraged about things other people do all of the time, even if it doesn't affect them or anything else outside of the two or more adults participating in whatever action people are complaining and being enraged about.

The girl looked like a good lay, no word yet on what she was charging.

10/15/12

NPR branded FM radio stations across the country beg for money live on air. Though fairly neutral, and with good insights; the sometimes 30 minute straight spans of asking for 25.00 in exchange for a coffee mug, does seem a bit desperate to listeners overall.

The best part however, is when they ask of a monthly credit card payment, comparable to what hungry-child-in-another-country charities ask for.

This continues - every day. This could be news for the masses, every single day. Forever.

People should donate to NPR, and affiliate FM stations across the US, however NPR should stop dedicating so much time to asking for money. Most people agree with that statement.

10/14/12

Three teenage soccer players in California accuse their high school teammates of physical assault and sexual abuse. The abuse has been long running allegedly, as accusations span across a time frame of at least 2 years.

The deeds were done as a sort of initiation ceremony for entry into the schools varsity soccer club. The victims, some as young as 14; were forced to enter a room, with coaches watching. Once in the room, the children were told by teammates to disrobe, and then all types of weird shit ensued, such as some of the kids having javelins shoved up their asses.

One child stated he thought that he was "fighting for his life" - And rightfully so, from the sound of things.

The investigation is ongoing, and the coach has been placed on leave. No word yet if the coach in fact showed the abusing teammates how to use the javelin.

The worst part may be that the coaches and adults in the situation knew what was going on, and seemingly approved of it. Or maybe it is the "hazing" and physical abuse. Or maybe the worst part is the foreign objects being shoved up asses.

All of it is the worst part, actually.

What the hell is wrong with people? This question also remains unanswered, to be placed alongside other time proven unanswered riddles, such as the true location of the Yeti, or Noah's ark.

10/13/12

An Israeli airstrike kills two members of the Palestinian resistance committee in Gaza, and wounds three others.

As confirmed by an Israeli military spokesman, the airstrike targeted a leader of the Salafists in Gaza, and the big trigger was pulled while Al-Saidni was taking a relaxing cruise on his motorcycle.

Thanks to the efforts of the Israeli air force, the cruise turned out to be no-so-relaxing, as one of the bodies was actually decapitated during the strike, and civilians - including a 10 year old child, were also injured.

Israel still wonders why a majority of the population in the middle east wants to go to war with them.

Everyone else is pretty sure they know exactly why, and that is because apparently, you can't take a Harley-Davidson down the street in Gaza without having to worry about an Israeli fighter jet chasing you down and launching a rocket at you, and/or your children.

10/13/12

The International Monetary Fund releases statements showing "cautious optimism" regarding the outlook for the global economy, as they conclude their annual meeting in Tokyo, Japan.

While on one hand they praise actions taken by different governments in Europe, they also state that if certain programs are not followed or undertaken in a timely manner "all hell could very well break loose". (My wording).

In other words, they release a statement saying some stuff, but not really saying stuff. Then praising, followed up by adding conditions to the praise.

So maybe the IMF is pointless after all. Then again, if the IMF isn't needed, what global organizations are needed? They do provide important services after all, important services to civilization - like releasing statements. And doing reports on stuff.

True to form for any global entity, we can all look forward to the IMF continuing to release a lot of statements that don't really mean anything.

10/12/12

US financial giant JP Morgan Chase posts record breaking profits for the third quarter, 2012. Using mind boggling numbers like 25.9 billion, news outlets attempt to explain to the typical citizen that this is a good thing, and report on the "success" of the bank.

In reality, these profits show the true problem. As most people still struggle in the down economy, corporate giants like JP Morgan Chase continue to break "records" in dollar figures, as everyone else just stands around and wonders when trickle down economics is actually going to trickle down something.

As CEO's and share holders make a toast and talk about millions or billions, the every day worker just wonders what its like to actually have a savings account.

10/11/12

Hezbollah takes credit for and ownership of a spy drone shot down over Israeli airspace earlier in the week. Unlike more sophisticated drones flown by the US, or Israel itself; the unit flown by Hezbollah is unarmed, and does not have real time surveillance capabilities.

Called "rinky-dink" (which is polite for "shitty") by experts, the fact that even a low power entity like Hezbollah has access to technology like drones speaks volumes towards explaining and understanding the modern generation of surveillance and warfare.

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Friday, October 5, 2012