Tuesday, September 18, 2012

N K E - What the fuck is that? (Must be a top-secret Nazi super-weapon) (N + E)

While studying history, politics, and technology as I often do, I sometimes run across new seemingly "unexplainable" objects or occurrences. Inevitably, a counter article always appears to declare that the occurrence or object was most likely the work of Adolf Hitler and his group of maniacal super scientists.

For example, recently some object has been found in the depths of the Baltic Sea. I say some fucking object, because I do not know what it is, and neither does anyone else. In fact, as some have suggested, it basically looks the crash site of the Millennium Falcon.

Left: Sonar image of the Baltic Sea Object, Right: The Millenium Falcon

I'll be god damned. I have to be honest; I will be less surprised if it were in fact the Millennium Falcon, as opposed to a Nazi super weapon.

Of course, as of right now there really isn't any information on this thing, outside of the fact that it is strange, shouldn't be on the ocean floor, and blocks cell phone signals. But I don't really give a shit what it is, the article is more about questioning why someone has already jumped out from behind a tree, and screamed "IT WAS THE NAZI'S!!" before anyone knows what the fuck is even going on.

The whole problem with calling everything a Nazi super weapon is really compounded into two points - First, are we really that pathetic - that we have to assume anything we find basically anywhere, is probably a Nazi super weapon? Before we even know what the fucking thing is made of, or the most basic information on the object in question? I mean we have to call it a fucking object, since we don't know what else to call it - So why is it the Nazi's?

Secondly, (and most importantly I might add) why do we have to keep giving the Nazi's and Der Fuhrer so much credit?

Found something interesting? Don't know what it is? Ask this guy, he probably had something to do with it.

I mean sure, sure, they were very good at sweet-talking the Tories in the the early days, and they did start the construction of the Autobahn. And it would not be fair to mention something which can only be seen as an accomplishment such as the Autobahn, without bringing up the bad and saying that they also figured out a way to quietly and ruthlessly exterminate or deport an entire religious community in the millions, while creating some notable firsts in military technology (Such as the V2 rocket)- firsts that were all intended to continue and prolong a war which killed tens of millions.

They covered ruthless extremism and technological innovation fairly well, overall. But really, the height of the Reich was over 70 years ago; let's stop acting like any type of previously undiscovered object is probably Hitler's. As nice as the Panzer Tank was, I am using a laptop, and they didn't have laptops in a Panzer Tank. Also, they did not have the Keurig Coffee Machine. These glorious pieces of human achievement were not in a Panzer, or anywhere else for that matter in 1940. 

I understand that of course things sink, and disappear in the world's great oceans, however can we at least give ourselves enough credit to know some entity other than the Nazi's can clearly make shit (and by shit I mean bat shit amazing shit - Say the United States for example, or Japan). I mean fuck it, throw technology out the window. Since in the most basic sense we don't even know what the hell this thing is yet, call it the discovery of a secret Roman Empire era battleship instead of Hitler's last hurrah?

And why is the credit given, if this can be seen as a credit? That might be bad wording. The better question is, why are people so quick to say "Hitler"? 

Really, I suppose it speaks to how well off the world has been overall, the last several decades. No giant wars, no Hitler-esque figure, no faggoty mustache.  Even at this point, the biggest boogeyman, and most evil bastard ever created - Is still Hitler. When shit hits the fan, or some object that could have been designed for use in a dastardly military program, (Or anything else for that matter) gets dredged up off the ocean floor, it must even today; have been the work of Hitler - As if he is still being an asshole from the grave.

In the end, I suppose we should all be thankful. This is a short write up, so not to ignore those who have had rougher lives - Thankful that if you lived in majority of the world, a bigger "EVIL" has not jumped up and smacked us in the mouth at any point in the last half century or more. 

UPDATE- No one has yet figured out what the fuck this thing is, but people still think it is a Nazi Super Weapon.


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